A note to the person I once considered my bestfriend.

I’ve had quite a few best friend’s growing up and one of them left behind a permanent stain on my heart and my constant struggle of trying to replace that person, fill up the gapping hole in my heart. Since then I met quite a few people and by that I mean two. The first one and I, we kind off fell apart and that was maybe we didn’t really have much in common or I just desperately wanted someone to be there for me and that person was my only chance. I mean I am still friends with that person but maybe we are just not close enough that I could share my sorrows. But none the less I still love that human piece of shit for sticking up for me when no one did.
The next one was like a new hope that maybe this person would make a difference but the thing about me is that I am damaged. I am depressed and bipolar and no I don’t choose to be this, it is a disease that is totally out of my control. I don’t know when I would flip a switch and snap back at you, not in a harsh way but maybe just in a small fit that might not even be relevant enough. Some people just can’t seem to understand that or they have too big of an ego to understand the situation and not accuse me of treating you like trash because trust me when I say that I didn’t treat you like trash I mean it. I know it when I treat people like trash and I am quite sure that I would have apologised greatly for my behaviour from my heart no matter how badly I must have snapped at you but really that’s besides the point. And no where this could have been a reason for you to cut me off from your life. People fight over bigger shit and still remain friends.
When you consider someone as your best friend you love the good as well as their dark side. Nobody is perfect, you need to understand that. You can’t just let go of a person you once thought was your bff just because you might have seen their dark side a bit. That’s not what friendship  is about. Friendship is loving the Flaws of your supposed friend as much as you love their good things.
I learn quite a lot every time I meet New people and some of them push me to through the edge. I might have not taken this reaction of this person very elegantly and done some things that would be poisonous to myself, the things and feelings I left behind years ago but I really can’t control it. I just really want to say is that please don’t make someone your bff or close friend if you’re not going to love them for who they are.

PS no offence to anyone.

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