When will I be free of this pain,

When will someone love again.

Darkness! Oh the darkness consumes me every night,

My heart aches till the morning sun shines.

Over and over I go, trying to find peace and hope.

My hands are cold and so is my soul,

My heart is broken with a dream of hope.

Desperate to feel wanted,

I’m haunted.

Do I risk it all or I keep it safe,

To I give it all or do I conceal it.

In this lonely world of greed and pain,

I feel as if I’m just floating away!


To the lonely heart that sings at midnight.

To the broken dreamer that love too hard.

To the void in the space that wouldn’t be so empty if you just exist. To my mind that wouldn’t stop drifting to a time that I regret forever. To all the lovely words that you said to me.

To my lonely self for believing in all the lies.

To me because I wouldn’t be here without your cruel intentions.


The limitations to mind are none,

But the limits for me are several.

Sometimes I wish I was free as a bird,

But where do I fly next to escape my burdens.

‘The world is a tiny place’, they say,

But I can’t seem to reach the end.

My love has no boundaries,

But My heart is scared of commitments.

Will there ever be a day without pain,

Not for me but for all the people suffering around the world.

Will there ever be just love and no more hate.


I have been swirling around in the same loop,
Since the day I was born.
But I broke through the glass walls,
To pursue the great beyond. 

The world outside my world is a vast abyss.
That I want to bathe in.

The unknown feels like a Dejà vù,
I could never believe that I lived in.

These dreams of mine are taking me places,
Tripping my mind and my feet.
The world suddenly seems like a small place to be in.

How do you predict the future?
Without trying to jinx it.
How do you believe in yourself?
Without trying to blame ‘luck’ for it.

How do I move forward without looking back?
For change is hard yet vital,
For a flower to bloom in spring.





The questions that bothers me immensely about happiness is, ‘how does one becomes happy?’. Don’t get me wrong I know how being happy feels like but it doesn’t seem to come as naturally to me as it seems to come to most of the people I know. I wish I could will it to my liking so won’t have to be experience down as much as I feel and maybe I won’t even be so depressed.

I see a few of friend going through the same stuff as I do and I am so lost for words when I try to console them because the things that people say to a person who is not going through the best time of their life are just plain stupid. ‘It gets better’, NO!!! It doesn’t. Things just don’t magically become alright. ‘It just a phase’, trust me it is not. You have no idea how it feels to live with it for the better half of your life.

According to my experience, there is only one solution. Now this solution might sound dramatic, cruel or just crazy. At first it might even be more painful than easy but trust be works. By works, I mean in a way that it would help you function in the world without looking like a crazy person.

The key is to fake it till you make it. Yes, this phrase may sound very idiotic but trust it is not. It has helped me somewhat overcome my battles. I get up every morning and look at myself in the mirror and just pretend to be happy. I try to smile the biggest smile there is. I try to see myself as a happy person and maybe at first I might have just started crying instead of being happy. But day by day it gets better. It gets less and less painful and voila! You have learned the art of pretending.



Never Enough!

Life is an endless battle that I can’t seem to win.

 It is pain and sweat, blood and bones.

 It is crushing my soul slowly with every tomorrow that comes.

It is an endless cycle of struggling through the tomorrows that provokes me and whispers sweet-nothing.

I am burning in the fire of despair and hope.

Hope that I never seem to find.

 I want it to stop and let me lick my wounds.

 I want to keep fighting.

I keep fighting but it is not enough.

It is never enough.


I wonder if my life would flash in front of my eye when I die.

I have heard people talk about it and sometimes I wish for it.

It seems so wrong yet it seems right.

Is that all there is to life?

Am I to live this way for all my days.

Trying to hold my broken heart into place.

Trying and failing.

Trying and failing all over again.

I am trying to breathe through the anxiety.

I am shivering and gritting my teeth, willing myself to get a gripe.

“be strong, you can fight it”, is all I can say.

But it is not enough.

It is never enough.


I try to remember a day that was without the pain.

I try to remember the happy moment.

But they seem to have vanish in the endless darkness of my soul.

I feel dead on the inside.

Is that how you feel too?

I want to scream for help but would you help me get through?

I feel numb and my throat horsed from all the screaming.

“Help me, help me” is all I say.

But it seems to fall on deaf ears.

Some try but it is not enough.

It is never enough.





The poison called love.

In the matters of love and crap I was never the one to be open or approachable about it. I was always way to shy and way to giving. I would sacrifice my crush for my friend or maybe just because the person I like, likes someone else. I never knew how to be approachable and eventually I just gave up. I focused on my larger than life sized dreams. 

But every now and then I look around and see my friends cuddling with their respective others and I start to feel like how lonely I am or might I say how lovely I have been all my life. How detached I’m to everyone and everything. Honestly, I don’t even realize that when most of the times I go out with my friends that I almost certainly am just third wheeling. For the most of the time though I am just so up in my head that I never even seem be a tiny bit bothered by it or the fact that I might But maybe for once I’d like to be special to someone and not just be invisible all the god dammit time. I’d like to feel that connect of trust and have a healthy commitment to another humam. To love and to be loved. To share my pizza with.

But you know why all these things are not possible for me? Because I’m scared. I’m scared of humans and scared of what a person can to me. The sense of being week and venerable all the time. Knowing that this one person could have immense power over you, this one little substance of the universe could break your whole soul into million pieces and healing was never my strongest pursuit, So I just eventually gave up because this feeling of euphoria comes at a greater cost of being lost forever in the abyss of darkness called love. 




How do you describe a person? Do you mention their hair, their eyes, nose, mouth, height, thin/fat? Does that help us to picture them, picture their character? Does that help us in knowing who they are, or is it just our artificial way of describing someone because we are too shallow or too scared to know the real person behind those layers of deceiving information. Is a human just what his/her features or are we more than that? Are we beyond the illusion of skin, name, face, region, religion?


I often wonder that do we know the people with whom we spend our lives with? Our friends, neighbors, family or we just assume who they are. Knowing your best friend’s birthday doesn’t means that you know who that person is. We assume we know, we assume their struggles. ‘we assume’.


Everyone like to think of themselves as special, as something good, something right. Someone who is the center of the universe. My life matters, everything that is happening around here is happening for me. Everything is me. We don’t realize that it’s not true. Lies, lies, lies. It’s all we are and all we tell each other and ourselves. Most of us don’t even take time to look at ourselves or some of us are too scared to know of the kind of person they are.


 We like to live a life and look at it the way we want and not in a way it is. And what a horrifying place is this? Everyone is trying to be good for themselves. Looking after themselves, drenched in our feeling to even try understand others. Always looking at our goodwill and how someone is doing wrong to us but too scared to see what we are doing to others. My problem is huge. Others shouldn’t have problem with having their minimal, non-existing problems.


It’s all just about me, me, me.


 ==>     A little bit of me.    <==

follow me on Instagram @the_invisible_girls_dream





A little bit of me.

Some people think that I’m crazy to have such huge dreams and the wait to get till there or for it to just start is painful. Sometimes I think I’m crazy too, to think that I can do it. Well, maybe I’m crazy. Do I have enough strength to make it? Can I do it? Maybe I’m just doubting myself because my anxiety is killing me but trust me I want to do it but when the deadline gets close, I start feeling like that I’m just up in my head. It’s scary to have so many dreams and then just have constantly keep doubting my own abilities.

So then I decided that maybe I should just start believing in myself and start with giving myself some ‘me’ time and do what I’m meant to do. I should start with giving my talent a shot. Start focusing on me more and stop worrying constantly about what people are going to think about me. Sometimes it gets hard to just be me and I keep pretending to like a few things because that’s normal. That what’s my friends and the young people around me are doing.

I just need to stop pretending and start living “me”. Maybe that is what you need to do if you like me are in a constant loop of trying to please everyone else and just losing yourself in the process.